It's 5:30 in the morning, I'm awake, I'm not joking. As I write this, there's this interminable drilling noise outside. I have no clue as to how whoever is responsible for the construction is allowed to get away with it? How can anyone be allowed to disrupt the slumber of a whole set of hipsters, yuppies, and Hasidic Jews all at once? As I lay in bed for the past hour, I stared at the lines in my ceiling created by the light beams penetrating through my blinds, I began to think....
For one, I cannot believe my girlfriend who happens to be staying over tonight is able to sleep through this. I guess since she has to get up early for work, she's able to do unimaginable things in times of necessity - kind of like how you hear people can lift cars if someone were trapped under one. I start to listen to her snoring, which I never really have before. It's very subdued and rhythmic and rather endearing. I begin to wonder about what she's dreaming about? And how at this very moment, there's some really bizarre images going through her head. Is she having fantasies about killing me as I look at her so lovingly? Hmmm. I then go back to just listening to her snore and think how if I were Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, it's moments like these Robin Williams would tell me to appreciate. But I digress....
As the noise continues, I recall how I had a girlfriend in college who would often stay with me in my crummy apartment. There used to be trees by that apartment that would be occupied by crows every night. They would make scream endlessly, and I remember how she too could sleep right through the deafening chirping. On many occasions I was seconds away from waking her so that we could move to her dorm room and away from the crows - but I never did. I always let her sleep. I kind of wish now she knew how many nights I let her sleep, maybe she would despise me slightly less than she surely does? But I digress...
I then start to think about John McCain (I'm serious). I start to think how interesting it is how you can admire a man for the sacrifices he's made, and yet disagree with him so vehemently politically. I then think about how he has a son in Iraq who he never uses as a political ploy, and how he should be commended for that, and how I can't say the democratic contenders would do the same were they to have children in Iraq. But I digress...
I start to think about my uncle who recently passed away, and how angry I am that he did. How angry I am that my mother once had 9 brothers and now has 4, and the agony that comes with that loss. I'm so angry that so many people I love have to go through so much pain, including my pregnant cousin, who's handled her father's passing with more grace and courage than I could ever hope for. I think about the countless paintings he drew that currently occupy his basement, and how I'm an artistic hack in comparison. But I'm so glad he was an artist, because art serves to augment posterity. But I digress...
I think about how happiness is always very temporary. I was happy today because life overall isn't bad. I'm not going to some stupid job, I'm working on my movie, I have great family and friends, but those feelings of happiness slowly subside as I realize that most of my happiness has nothing to do with things I've done and can all be attributed back to the family I was born into. I won the lottery before I came out the womb, and I had nothing to do with it, and the only reason I'm not some Nepali refugee is because of the luck of the draw, and that's it. Life is totally arbitrary, and this makes me think about religion, and how I know this part is bound to offend people, but it's 5:56 am and I don't care - religion, like life, is totally arbitrary. 99% of the people who follow a certain religion do so because of the family they were born into, and who drilled that religion into their head from birth, and come on, you can't honestly dispute that? If at some point society didn't stop telling us Santa Claus existed, we'd all still believe in him too. But I digress...
It's now passed 6 am and the noise continues. Before the noise woke me up, I was dreaming about how I found out this guy I knew in high school had just been divorced for the second time. It now occurs to me that this person may very well be divorced twice in reality, hmmm. But I digress...
I'm now thinking that were I to count the amount of times I've used the word "I" or some variation of it in this blog, I would be embarrassed. I think about how obnoxious it is that I write these things and ask people to read them. But now I think just saying what I just did is equally if not more obnoxious because I'm trying to deflect responsibility from myself, meaning, I'm somehow convincing myself that admitting I'm being narcissistic somehow makes it's okay. Maybe I should just stop writing these...
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