LDR's

I've noticed that regardless of what a given topic is, my opinion often aligns with the minority. But hey, it's the people in the minority that change the world...at least that's what we in the minority tell ourselves so we don’t feel like such losers.

One of my oldest friends recently told me that out of all the theories/philosophies we've exchanged over the years, he finds my views on the long-distance relationship (LDR) the most controversial and least understood by the masses (the "masses" in this case being the three people who actually read this blog). And so, I will now attempt to use this forum as a means to clarify my position. My position is simply this - when it comes to LDR's, well, I'm a fan. Before I proceed any further, let me say that I'm well-aware that no woman will ever agree with my views on this subject - I understand and accept that. In addition, very few men will agree with my views...bunch of traitors!

If I had a penny for every time I've heard someone say they won't engage in a LDR because it's too hard, I'd have close to 30 cents. The thing is, all of those people are right. LDR's are hard, but if done correctly, they can be gloooorious! Now I'm sure you're asking, "But why Neil? Why do you support LDR's with such vigor and fervor?" I'm glad you asked...

There are a number of reasons I'm a proponent of the LDR, but if I had to pick the #1 reason, it would be because it keeps things new. By not seeing each other everyday and stressing each other out everyday, there's a heightened level of excitement the times you do see each other. There's still a sense of that "new relationship" feel. Some may argue that there are other means by which "newness" can be injected into a relationship such as role-playing. Maybe tactics such as role-playing work for some people, but I feel role-playing would just stress me out. I postulate role-playing would merely serve to augment my already high level of inadequacy. Rather than being aroused, I'd just ask myself "why the hell is my chick dressed in a nurses outfit?" More importantly, I would know the truth, that the role-playing was just that, role playing, not something real.

Now you're probably asking, "But Neil, doesn't a long-distance relationship lend itself to cheating?" My rebuttal is that the LDR is actually a great test for loyalty and trust. If a couple can stay faithful to each other while being far-apart, is that not a testament to the strength of their relationship? Maybe couples who live together are less-likely to cheat but that's only because, well, they live together and there's a greater likelihood of getting caught. Conversely, maybe a couple who live together (or in close proximity) are more likely to cheat because they're so bored with one another, either way, it's a bad scene. Granted, loneliness is a bitch and it drives people to do bad things. That's why it's imperative that you still see each other as often as possible. As I perceive myself as an expert in this field, my research shows that a couple should wait no more than 2 1/2 weeks before seeing each other. Anything more and you're running a high risk of infidelity.

Now of course monetary restrictions often dictate how often a couple engaging in an LDR see one another. That's why it's also vital that the actual distance between a couple not be too drastic. However, what's considered "long" depends on the individuals. For me, a relationship that has more than a 250 mile buffer zone is arduous to maintain. However, I have a friend who's in a relationship with a girl oversees, and he's the most faithful person I know. So, how a couple wants to conduct their LDR is subjective to them.

Understandably, you're now rhetorically asking "But Neil, is 'newness' really enough to justify an LDR?" And you're right, it's not. But there are other significant reasons for one. Most notably: freedom. George Bush may be an idiot, but he's right about one thing, freedom's important! Not having to check in and essentially ask permission to do whatever you want can be quite liberating. If you're the type of person who values freedom, you know how much time and energy can be exerted untangling your web of lies every weekend.

Not sold yet? What more can I offer you? Well, let's see, if you're in an LDR, you're also far less likely to quarrel. This is because you both know that your time together is finite, and that it shouldn't be squandered by arguing. Also, having an LDR is like having a built-in mini-vacation in your life. It doesn't matter where your partner lives, it's always nice to get away.

As I conclude, I don't fool myself in thinking that anyone's going to agree with me. I just hope that if you're going to persecute me and my scientologist brothers and sisters, at least know where we stand. I'm also aware that if you want to get married anytime soon, everything I said is void, and that yes, you should probably live close to one another.

If you've never been in an LDR but want to experiment, remember what Spiderman said, "with great power, comes great responsibility." Meaning, be a good person. Just because your partner (expressions like "partner" are so gay) is far away, be loyal, loving, understanding, and don't become complacent. These have been my words...do with them as you wish.