Enemies

In under a year, I will be 30. As I approach the commencement of my fourth decade, I find myself consumed with a bizarre amalgamation of emotions: dread for the arrival of next June, coupled with eager anticipation for it. Similar to the columniation of High School and college, I routinely ask the cliché of "where did the time go?" However, there is an additional mantra I find myself repeating as I reach the forthcoming milestone, and that mantra is this: I need to defeat my archenemy!

Before I delve into the aforementioned mantra, I must quote the essayist Chuck Klosterman. In his book, IV, Klosterman states, "What you need is (a) one quality nemesis and (b) one archenemy. These are the two most important mechanisms in any human's life...they are the catalysts for why we do everything." Klosterman goes on to detail the distinctions between a nemesis and an archenemy, but for the sake of this blog, I just want to focus on whether it's true that everyone needs an enemy? After some thorough introspection, I've concluded that the answer is a solid yes!

Some of you who know me, know who my archenemy is, but I won't mention his name, in fear that he will be notified that I'm strategically plotting his downfall. However, only after reading Klosterman's essay, have I realized that everything I do is either a direct or indirect result of this person's existence. Some may view that as pathetic, and those "some" may be right, nevertheless; it is what is.

This Tuesday I am set to embark on what is certain to be a brief and failure-ridden teaching career. In the myriad of vocations I've had in my life, I've yet to be terminated, but I truly believe that streak is about to come to its inevitable conclusion. I've spent the last two days in school meetings, and have yet to have an experienced teacher pass an opportunity to remind me of the difficulties I'm about to face. Thus, I cannot help but wonder why I ever got into the teaching profession to begin with? For one, I hate authority (which would explain why I've quit so many jobs) and yet my boss will be a principal, and principals are only principals for the sole purpose of enforcing their authority. Second, I pretty much dislike children more than everyone I know, and yet almost every minute of my day will be spent in their consistently chaotic presence. Third, I despise waking-up early, and yet I'll have to be at work each day by 8:20am. I could continue the litany of ironies, but you get the idea.

So when people ask me why I've decided to be a teacher, I don't lie, I tell them I'm doing it for the summers off and the steady (though minimal) paycheck. And though those answers are accurate, they're not the truth in totality. Meaning, the reason I'm so obsessed with having my summers off is not because I'm a slacker (which I am), but because I want to focus that time on my film career. Most of you reading this probably know I'm a want-to-be filmmaker; but what many may not know is that my aspirations of being an auteur are not a function of a love for the medium. Rather, my true goal of being a filmmaker is to use celluloid as a tool to destroy my archenemy.

In all honesty, it wasn't always this way. In my younger years, I wanted to make movies out of a passion and a love for film. But if my archenemy had never entered my life, my dream would've subsided years ago. So the point is this: as much as I despise my archenemy, the reality is, his existence gives the motivation for mine. But now the quandary becomes - what do I do with myself, if and when I defeat my archenemy? I can't just make-up another archenemy. An archenemy is an entity which must come about naturally. So, I now I find myself in a very perplexing situation - I'm still driven to succeed by the fact that I've yet to defeat my archenemy, and yet I fear that once his life crumbles...so will mine.

My best guess is that my life won't crumble, and that I will be happy when my archenemy is brought to his knees. However, that happiness will only last a finite amount of time. And when that time ends, I'll just be confused because I won't know what to do with myself. I'll just be a guy floundering in the banality of life. I'll just be a guy hoping that one day he's lucky enough to once again have someone who does him so wrong...